Sunday, October 28, 2012


How much effort do you put forth to stay in touch with friends who no longer live close to you?
For the most part, the friends a person has are close, or at leat they start out that way. You meet someone in school, at work, at a book club or yoga class. You get together because you have things in common and it is easy to met to grab a coffee or lunch. You do things together because you have similar interests and you enjoy each other's company.
In days gone by -- when a friend moved away, there was phone calls and letter to stay in touch.
I remember spending MANY hours writing letters to friends who moved away, or during the time that I lived in Florida and Arkansas! There was also the odd phone call that I made!
Now a-days, there is so many more ways.
Now, it is easy to quickly send off an email, a fast message on facebook or even a quick text while you are making your toast in the morning... not much effort is needed, really! Gone are the days when you had to treasure-hunt for a piece of writing paper and envelope, think of a few fun and exciting things to write about, trudge your ass down to the post office for a stamp and actually have to use energy to put the sealed envelope in the mail box!!
So when a good friend (who you have know since you were 8) moves away to the other side of the country comes back to the area, say 8-10 times in the past 8 years and doesn't call me, would you say that that person is just lazy, didn't have the 'time' or can't be bothered about the friendship.
Or my best friend from high school who doesn't take up my invitation to stop by (at her convienence) last Christmas during her visit to her parents because they 'don't have time.'
Or my other friend who moved about 6 hours away 8 years ago and drives back to this area twice a month and never once has called to get together for a tea/coffee.
These are people who I hung around with regularly, so it is frustrating.
Maybe it is just me to be bothered by this. Everyone has busy lives! But it really doesn't take much effort to send a quick email-- especially in answer to the one that I send!!!
Or when it is no longer convienient, people can't be bothered.
This is the year that my patience for this is at its end!!



Cindy said...

It is very sad but true people just don't have time for other people.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, keeping in touch.

One of the main issues is that everyone has different expectations. Some of my friends think that having a quick conversation once a month is doing really well at keeping in touch. And I have some friends who consider at least texting once a day keeping in touch.

I have so many different groups of friends that it's hard just to keep track of them all. High school friends, undergrad friends, friends from various jobs, mommy friends and now masters friends (and truthfully, the last thing I needed was MORE friends to keep track of!). There is no lack of friendship in my life and I honestly think I do a great job of keeping in contact with most of them.

We moved cities at the end of August to a place where we knew one person, and our closest friends (and family) are 3 hours away. I've quickly learned who is willing to put in the effort to keep in contact (it can't be a one way effort!). And seriously, nothing makes you feel better than when a friend goes out of their way to drive 6 hours one way to come and surprise you for a weekend - those are the ones you know you want to keep :)

Sometimes it really is just trial and error to see who is worth your time!

Natalie :)

Shana said...

Exactly! Thanks for sharing!!!

Beast Mom said...

Your frustration is legitimate! It's not too much to ask for basics among good friends. But apparently it is. Sad.

Walker said...

I guess it come down to what your definition and expectations of friendship are.
I have many friends and alot of best friends.
I hardly see any of them now that we have gotten older and gone down other paths.

All of them have made friendships with people at work that they see regularly and spend time with them or others who now have families to be with.
I may talk to some of them 10 times a year and most live within 3 blocks of each other.

That said, our friendships are still solid and we just pick up from where we left off when we see each other or when someone needs help we are all always ready.

For me that's what friend ship is.
The invisible bond we have with people you have chosen to be in your family of friends.

Family you don't get to choose but friends you do.
It's what makes them special even when you don't see them as much as you would like.
It's the history you made together that connects you to each other, forever.

Like i said, it's what your expectations are concerning friends.
Everyone has their own.
I don't have any personally.
My friends know if i am needed or I need them, to just call.